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  • Skeet Starr, Sports Editor

Fast Break Sports Report March 4

Updated: Mar 12

Art by Carolyn Vazquez

Hello, Bearcat Fan! The Collegian sports section has been pretty focused on official university athletics recently, so this edition of the Fastbreak hopes to help retain our more fringe readers. Let’s go to the news, and then let’s go to some existential poetry that loosely centers on climate issues!


Women’s Basketball lost to Millikin 83-91 in the first round of the National Tournament (see more in print).


Lacrosse has a +59 goal differential over three games. 


Baseball thrice narrowly defeated Lewis & Clark; they remain undefeated.


Men’s and Women’s Tennis were starched by the Pios and the Wildcats.


Softball took the fight to Tucson and found mixed results. They lost to Dickinson State (4-6), and stalemated Drew over two games (10-2 and 2-9). 


In the world of sport: When walking in a false and silent summer, I was ambushed by a cougar. As I fell back I thrust my blade through her eye, and lying in the roadway she wheezed and spake thus in dual voices:


“When my mother-of-a-thousand-mothers first glimpsed your father-of-a-thousand-fathers floundering on the milky wastes, she whispered jokes and cheerful things to her cubs in the womb about the hairless birds who make aimless noise and have to steal skin. However, when I whispered to my unborn, I spoke of you in the same way I spoke of time and water. You try again and again, and you must do so. You eat as an afterthought.”


She continued: “I am honored to have been slain in the old way, in a chance and danger, and not in the inevitability of your feast. Thank you. Please lay me in the bulrushes by the stream that I might feel the heat and trembling of the deer as they come to drink one last time, and may the spring floods, if they come again, wash me into the blue horizon.”


I looked in her mouth and saw that all four of her canines had been taken for jewelry. I heaved and dragged and fought and clawed, but the cougar was far too heavy for me to fulfill her wish. That night my garden froze over, and the magnolias, which had bloomed early, withered and lost their scent. 


Consider in the coming weeks: It’s been almost a year since Joe Biden’s administration approved the Willow Project, and alternatively, is Lacrosse OK?



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