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  • Ernie Samora, Staff Writer

BREAKING NEWS: SPIDER FOUND IN YOUR DORM ROOM



ORIGINAL ART: DO NOT STEAL!!!

In a startling development, a spider has been discovered in Lausanne. The unsettling revelation has sparked concerns among students about their safety and well-being.


Upon arriving at the scene, cries were overheard from the window: “Babe, kill it! Kill it! No, don’t put it outside. What if it jumps on me?”


“We take the health and safety of our students very seriously,” said Montgomery Bagels, health and safety coordinator of Lausanne. “We are committed to addressing this issue swiftly and thoroughly to ensure that all students feel safe and comfortable in their living spaces.”


As the residents of Lausanne grapple with this unexpected development, students are banding together to support one another and share information about how to deal with the situation. Despite the initial shock and discomfort, students are determined to remain resilient and focused on their academic pursuits. “I’m staying with a friend in Kaneko tonight so I can sleep with peace of mind. I have an 8 a.m. [class] tomorrow!” exclaimed Mike Rotch (‘27).


Updates will be provided as the story develops.


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1 Comment


mparsonskf
Apr 02

cute story! I was wondering what kind of spider was found? It must have been a big one since students don't fee safe to sleep in their rooms, possible a daddy long legs????

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