Opinion: The Porn Bots that comment on Collegian Articles are Master Rhetors
Piper Lehr Contributor The porn bots often found on articles are iconic talking points amongst staff from The Collegian, but has anyone...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1
Guess the actual Words from Waller
Emma Innes Recovering ASWU Sufferer Everytime the email goes out with a new declaration from Willamette President Steve Thorsett, campus...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1
Blitz the Bearcat found dead in Miami
Kaiytliayn Trree (Not Kathleen Forrest) Accused-Murderer-of-Journalistic-Integrity On April 1, 2022 Willamette University revealed in an...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1
Goudy Commons to receive Michelin stars
Emma Innes Nerf Queen The finest dining on the west coast, Willamette University’s pride and glory Goudy Commons has received four...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1
This Week @ Willamette
Emma Innes Kathleen's Minion Kaitelyyn TTrieee (Definitely Not Kathleen Forrest) Star of at least one Admin’s nightmares Welcome back to...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1
The Collegian executes orderly takeover of ASWU
Kaitlin Treehugger (Definitely Not Kathleen Forrest) Head-B*tch-in-Charge On April 1, 2022 Willamette University’s independent,...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1
Admin threatens to send naughty students to Reed College
Crisp. E (Definitely not Chrissy Ewald) Wailer and Gnasher of Teeth Willamette administration announced today that starting April 1, a...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1
Campus Safety finally catches Turkey
A Concerned Duck (As dictated to Willamette Duck Watch Proprietor, Kathleen Forrest) On April 1, 2022 Campus Safety announced that they...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1
WU Virginity Club takes a stand against the Willamette Challenge: "Premarital sex isn't a game"
Crisp E. (Definitely not Chrissy Ewald) High Priestess Of the many traditions celebrated on Willamette’s undergraduate campus, one of the...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1, 2021
Handshake is changing their company name to "Fistbump" in response to COVID
Jake Procino News editor and Sam Johnston By Jake Procino. After a series of company debates, the website formerly known as “Handshake”...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1, 2021
Opinion: No one reads the Collegian
Stephen Meyer Editor Not David Flanagan It is my firmly held belief that no one actually reads the Collegian. In speaking with my...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1, 2021
Due to contract dispute, WU students to Zoom from class next semester
Scheuppe Scooper Contributor Not David Flanagan Students and faculty alike were dismayed yesterday when the President of the University...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1, 2021
Psilocybin mushrooms outside Gatke hall disappear; culprits at large
Susam Ongus Staff writer Not David Flanagan Campus Safety reported yesterday that the well known patch of psilocybin mushrooms (psilocybe...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1, 2021
All language requirements and use of language in general banned from campus
Harold Stimfred Tenebrarius Contributor Not David Flanagan Last Tuesday, the Head Dean (and Designated Scapegoat-in-Chief) at Willamette...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1, 2021
OD Leaders receiving raise so their pay includes a "crisp high-fives," in addition to sandwiches
Jake Procino News editor and Sam Johnston After a tense fight with administration, Opening Days (OD) Leaders are finally receiving a...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1, 2021
PNCA campus to be rolled on logs to Salem
Chrissy Ewald Staff writer By Jake Procino. In an unexpected new development to the ongoing merger between Pacific Northwest College of...
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Collegian staff
- Apr 1, 2021
Ducks declared Campus overlords
Emma Innes Staff writer By Chrissy Ewald. The Board of Trustees emerged from their meat suits this week to reveal that they are each...
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