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    Opinion: The Porn Bots that comment on Collegian Articles are Master Rhetors
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 2

    Opinion: The Porn Bots that comment on Collegian Articles are Master Rhetors

    Piper Lehr Contributor The porn bots often found on articles are iconic talking points amongst staff from The Collegian, but has anyone...
    73 views0 comments
    Guess the actual Words from Waller
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1

    Guess the actual Words from Waller

    Emma Innes Recovering ASWU Sufferer Everytime the email goes out with a new declaration from Willamette President Steve Thorsett, campus...
    85 views0 comments
    Blitz the Bearcat found dead in Miami
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1

    Blitz the Bearcat found dead in Miami

    Kaiytliayn Trree (Not Kathleen Forrest) Accused-Murderer-of-Journalistic-Integrity On April 1, 2022 Willamette University revealed in an...
    95 views0 comments
    Goudy Commons to receive Michelin stars
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1

    Goudy Commons to receive Michelin stars

    Emma Innes Nerf Queen The finest dining on the west coast, Willamette University’s pride and glory Goudy Commons has received four...
    51 views0 comments
    This Week @ Willamette
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1

    This Week @ Willamette

    Emma Innes Kathleen's Minion Kaitelyyn TTrieee (Definitely Not Kathleen Forrest) Star of at least one Admin’s nightmares Welcome back to...
    105 views0 comments
    The Collegian executes orderly takeover of ASWU
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1

    The Collegian executes orderly takeover of ASWU

    Kaitlin Treehugger (Definitely Not Kathleen Forrest) Head-B*tch-in-Charge On April 1, 2022 Willamette University’s independent,...
    78 views0 comments
    Admin threatens to send naughty students to Reed College
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1

    Admin threatens to send naughty students to Reed College

    Crisp. E (Definitely not Chrissy Ewald) Wailer and Gnasher of Teeth Willamette administration announced today that starting April 1, a...
    95 views0 comments
    Campus Safety finally catches Turkey
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1

    Campus Safety finally catches Turkey

    A Concerned Duck (As dictated to Willamette Duck Watch Proprietor, Kathleen Forrest) On April 1, 2022 Campus Safety announced that they...
    44 views0 comments
    The Cycle of ASWU
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1

    The Cycle of ASWU

    82 views0 comments
    WU Virginity Club takes a stand against the Willamette Challenge: "Premarital sex isn't a game"
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1

    WU Virginity Club takes a stand against the Willamette Challenge: "Premarital sex isn't a game"

    Crisp E. (Definitely not Chrissy Ewald) High Priestess Of the many traditions celebrated on Willamette’s undergraduate campus, one of the...
    116 views0 comments
    WU: Six schools in a trench coat
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1, 2021

    WU: Six schools in a trench coat

    By Chrissy Ewald
    55 views0 comments
    Wheel of Goudy- take a spin!
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1, 2021

    Wheel of Goudy- take a spin!

    By Chrissy Ewald
    51 views0 comments
    Handshake is changing their company name to "Fistbump" in response to COVID
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1, 2021

    Handshake is changing their company name to "Fistbump" in response to COVID

    Jake Procino News editor and Sam Johnston By Jake Procino. After a series of company debates, the website formerly known as “Handshake”...
    62 views0 comments
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1, 2021

    Opinion: No one reads the Collegian

    Stephen Meyer Editor Not David Flanagan It is my firmly held belief that no one actually reads the Collegian. In speaking with my...
    74 views0 comments
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1, 2021

    Due to contract dispute, WU students to Zoom from class next semester

    Scheuppe Scooper Contributor Not David Flanagan Students and faculty alike were dismayed yesterday when the President of the University...
    46 views0 comments
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1, 2021

    Psilocybin mushrooms outside Gatke hall disappear; culprits at large

    Susam Ongus Staff writer Not David Flanagan Campus Safety reported yesterday that the well known patch of psilocybin mushrooms (psilocybe...
    61 views1 comment
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1, 2021

    All language requirements and use of language in general banned from campus

    Harold Stimfred Tenebrarius Contributor Not David Flanagan Last Tuesday, the Head Dean (and Designated Scapegoat-in-Chief) at Willamette...
    43 views0 comments
    OD Leaders receiving raise so their pay includes a "crisp high-fives," in addition to sandwiches
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1, 2021

    OD Leaders receiving raise so their pay includes a "crisp high-fives," in addition to sandwiches

    Jake Procino News editor and Sam Johnston After a tense fight with administration, Opening Days (OD) Leaders are finally receiving a...
    46 views0 comments
    PNCA campus to be rolled on logs to Salem
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1, 2021

    PNCA campus to be rolled on logs to Salem

    Chrissy Ewald Staff writer By Jake Procino. In an unexpected new development to the ongoing merger between Pacific Northwest College of...
    51 views0 comments
    Ducks declared Campus overlords
    Collegian staff
    • Apr 1, 2021

    Ducks declared Campus overlords

    Emma Innes Staff writer By Chrissy Ewald. The Board of Trustees emerged from their meat suits this week to reveal that they are each...
    100 views1 comment
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