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Opinion: No one reads the Collegian

Stephen Meyer


Not David Flanagan

It is my firmly held belief that no one actually reads the Collegian. In speaking with my friends, their friends, and their friends’ friends, no one I have met thus far on campus, nor any faculty or staff that I’ve ever interacted with, ever report reading the Collegian. Never. Not one.

Now, some might find this claim unorthodox. They might call me mad. But who is mad, I ask, when I point out that the so-called Collegian office on the third floor of the University Center is currently vacant! What’s more, all their computers date from the 2000s - further proof they are no longer in operation! I have no choice but to conclude that the continued existence of the Collegian on campus is a ruse, a deception, and a conspiracy perpetrated by the administration so they can extract from us their ungodly activity fee and use it to fund their terrible experiments.

Thank you for reading.

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