The Devil's Advocate: Edition 11

Art by Basil Allen.

Disclaimer: The Devil’s Advocate is a satirical column that does not reflect the views or opinions of The Collegian. 

Do you have any advice from getting over the constant rejection from summer jobs and internships?

- unemployed 

OK, here is the gameplan. I think you should just pull a “Steven Spielberg,” simply show up to a job and act like you already work there. Start hanging in the break room and do random odd jobs around the office. If you don’t get caught, you can just act like you work there for the summer and not have to confront this rejection. In a perfect world, they would see how amazing you are and hire you after seeing your initiative. This is quite a risky move, though, so you have to go into it expecting to fail; not everyone can be Spielberg. Truly, no one even is Spielberg in this sense. That story about him is mostly false, according to Snopes.com. 

What should I do after graduation? 

- a senior 

As graduation approaches, many dream of, and dread, their post-grad plans. Fear not, soon-to-be-grad; I have the answer. You’ve just worked your whole life in a sterile school environment that sucks the fun and creativity out of all. It’s time to bring that whimsy back into your life. Forget grad school or a job — they will get you nowhere. After you walk across that stage and celebrate with your family and friends, pack a big travel backpack with all of your essentials, pull out your life savings and buy a one-way ticket to Europe. It is time to live life to its fullest as you backpack around the world!

Backpack across Europe, taking in the beauty of countries from Germany to France and even Ireland. There you will be the love of your life and realize that you never want to come back to the states. You will open up a contemporary dance studio or tea shop, and only then will you find true happiness. 

Sadly, those are just blissful daydreams. After you walk across that stage, weighed down by student debt, your best bet is to get a corporate job and start paying those loans. Maybe a recession will make the housing market go down, and you could afford to buy a house! Though you still will probably be adding on some more debt. Best of luck, soldier.