The Devil's Advocate: Edition Eight

Art by Basil Allen.

Disclaimer: The Devil’s Advocate is a satirical column that does not reflect the views or opinions of The Collegian. 

How do I fight off the senioritis! 

- get me out of here

As a senior, I also struggle finding time to do homework. But rest assured, I know what’ll work! You have a paper to write today? First things first, grab your preferred source of caffeine and chug away; it’s so much easier to work under the power of stimulants. 

Secondly, leave your phone on the other side of the room with the ringer on max volume. Your phone’s constant notifications will become a reminder of what you could be doing once you complete your work. Bonus points if you’re studying in the library — that way others will be equally motivated to work hard so they can scroll reels later. 

Next, you’re gonna want to boot up that computer and open up a new document. Spending a while finding the right font, size and layout ensures a comfortable format for you to work with. Then, take a good few minutes on the assignment expectations and understand what work you have before you.

At this point, the assignment has already taken up a lot of your time and energy, so you can give yourself a little phone break. All your assignments will be done eventually. I just can’t guarantee they’ll be done on time.

How do you decorate? This is my second term at Willamette and I still have no decorations. Do you have any advice?

- blank walls

Various red-painted pentagrams and white, wax candles would be a good starting point. From there, dream catchers, animal bones and various other cursed items can all be acquired from spiritual vendors. This decor leans into the PNW aesthetic and sells a unique personality when you have friends over. 

If that doesn’t strike your fancy, another recommendation is to steal cool street signs. I’m sure other students have also had ideas of liberating High Street or Sesame Street signs from their posts. Or, if you have an unoriginal name, Salem might just have a street with your name on it! Nothing makes a room your own like a giant sign with your name on it. But all that really matters is that it’s your room, so it should speak to your own personality and interests.