The movie, filled with campy performances and earworm songs, is only half of the experience.

Hello, Bearcat Fan! Welcome back. As dead week approaches, we at The Collegian would like to remind you that you actually don’t have to get started on that work you were going to get started on. Contrary to popular belief, you can do that way later and it will be totally fine. Professors and trusted friends will tell you to do that thing now, but they don’t love you like The Collegian loves you. A study shows that reading the Fast Break makes you more creative and focused anyway. Let’s go to the news! Women’s Basketball took the fight to Colorado Springs, Colorado where they lost to Concordia Wisconsin (54-61), but demolished Illinois Tech (91-58). Kaitlin Imai (‘26) put up 21 points to lead the ‘Cats' failed effort against the Falcons, then Carolyn Ho (‘24) and a more steady Willamette side picked apart the Hawks. The Division I University of Portland Pilots scored 47 points off the bench to defeat Men’s Basketball (107-84). Bearcat first-year Will Hurst (‘27) pulled six boards out of the silver-lined clouds. Swimmers are preparing for the Bruin invitational next week. In the wide world of sports: Aston Villa snuck past Tottenham Hotspur and into the Premier League top four, Oregon State Men’s Soccer smacked Southern Methodist 7-1 to break into the NCAA quarterfinals and chess grandmasters Levon Aronian and Wesley So are dispatching opponents at the Sinquefield Cup. Consider in the coming weeks: Does staff pay to use Sparks? Where’d The Bike Shop go? At which parts of the day do you consider yourself a “self,” or rather, when do you even consider at all?

Hello Bearcat Fan! Let’s all extend a warm “thank you” to sports writer Mary Vickery (‘24) for writing the Fast Break last week while I recovered from a strange and enigmatic illness. Also, fall sports have wrapped up entirely, putting me in mind of a haiku from 17th century poet, Bashō. summer grasses all that remains of warriors’ dreams Let’s go to the news! Head coach Brett Franz was named NCAA DIII coach of the year as the Triathlon team took fifth at nationals. Riga Grubis (‘27) took 7th, the highest placement for the ‘Cats. Volleyball were swept again by undefeated champions PLU at the conference semifinals. Women’s Basketball couldn’t scrape their way back into the game after a bad run against Bushnell (62-73), but redeemed themselves against Whittier (55-52) by way of a last second three ball from Jasmine Shigeno (‘24). Men’s Basketball clammed up in the face of the visiting Geoducks (82-85), then dominated Oglethorpe (89-76). Football. 13-63. Lewis & Clark. In February of 1500 1,000 peasants of a new republic in Dithmarschen, beset upon by 10,000 royal Danish troops, desperately opened a series of dikes, thus flooding the croplands surrounding the village of Hemmingstedt with icy water. As the numerically-advantaged royal troops charged the peasant line, their foot soldiers and cavalry alike were forced into the icy wastes surrounding the road by the defending peasants. There they were easily picked off or simply drowned, paralyzed from the cold. By the end of the day, casualties among the royals numbered 7,000, while the peasants suffered only 60. Hopefully this true story inspires our Bearcats to get back out there next season! Several Cross-country athletes competed at the NCAA West regional in La Verne, CA. Consider in the coming weeks: Will NWC coaches be correct in their prediction that Men’s Basketball will again finish last in the conference?

Welcome back Bearcat Fan! Try to cut your confusion short — it’s time that I, a non-Starr, got in on the beauty of the Fast Break. I aim to steer clear of existentialism, though I fear that the subliminal messaging and fluoride in my water will keep me from doing so. Forget about me; let's focus on what truly matters: sports! Women’s Swim was defeated by the Lutes 102-103 but not without a fight. With wins in three events, Bearcats made quite a splash on the scoreboard. Men’s Swim sank a loss against PLU, pulling an end score of 72-112. Men’s Soccer broke away with a win in their last home game on Nov. 5, 2-1 against Pacific Lutheran. This win brought Willamette to 8-6-1 in NWC. Sadly, their season ended the next day in Forest Grove with a 1-3 loss. Women’s Soccer fought a good fight against PLU Saturday, tying the first half but losing 1-2 after a Lute goal in the second. They pulled together a 2-2 tie on Sunday against Pacific, ending their season. Men’s Golf finished in 11th place at the NCAA Division III preview after Brock Olson (‘26) shot a 220. Football lost 6-64. The Boxers cruised to 55 points up in the first half, and the Bearcats finally graced the scoreboard in the fourth quarter. Men’s Basketball put up 97 points against Multnomah, who outdid them by putting up 114. Volleyball hit the court running Nov. 3, spiking a 3-0 win at home against Puget Sound, then kept the party rocking Nov 4. with a 3-1 win against the Bruins. In the wide world of sports: Patrick Mahomes threw 2 touchdowns in Germany against the Dolphins, leading to a seven-point lead. With a final of 21-14 Kansas City fans are supposedly enjoying delicious seafood platters. Consider in the coming weeks: The chaos of our lives is merely that of our own making. We are simultaneously the problem and the solution. Our innate drive to uniqueness and pull to cause waves during our time on this earth pale in comparison to the moon, who has been here long before us and will be here long after. Go sports!

Hello Bearcat Fan! The hounds of defeat seem to have largely gnawed their way to the marrow of Willamette athletics this week. Even the winged jester who visits me in my dreams to tell me how to write the Fast Break stood me up on the astral plane last night, leaving me with no jokes for you, Bearcat Fan. None! Sigh. Let’s go to the news. Women’s Swim carried the department taking first at the NWC relays, then third at the sprints. Men’s Swim clocked in at fourth in both events. Football put up a promising 21 points on the Loggers, who themselves put up an even more promising 40 points. Men’s Soccer held fast to defeat Whitman 4-3 after leading 4-1, then fell victim to the Pirate onslaught at Whitworth (2-6). Women’s Soccer picked up two narrow losses at the Whits. Both Bearcat squads will return home next weekend to finish their seasons. Women’s Basketball opened their pre-season in disappointing fashion, ceding Salem supremacy to the Corban Warriors (57-64). Volleyball made a meal out of the Pioneers in a back and forth dog fight on Wednesday (3-2), then were leveled by the Boxers later in the week (0-3). Men’s Golf are facing off in Nevada at the NCAA DIII preview as of Sunday night. Results will be making their way in until Tuesday. In the wide world of sports: Kyle Larson, Christopher Bell, Ryan Blaney and William Byron will put rubber to asphalt on Sunday, Nov. 5 at the NASCAR Cup Series final in Phoenix, Arizona. Consider in the coming weeks: Winter cometh on padded feet in the dark morning. Will your crop yields and mental fortitude sustain you, or will the black rider carry you beyond the mountains wrapped in blankets sewn from frost?

Skeet Starr Sports Editor Hello Bearcat Fan! Fall sports have largely fallen on hard times this week. We at The Collegian sincerely hope that the recent poor performances have nothing to do with the fact that our weekly sports ritual of sacrifice was interrupted on Monday by the KWU radio people who now share our office. Let’s go to the news! Women’s Swim left SWOCC in the liquid equivalent of dust (133-106), but the Men failed to get a result (74-146). Football. Loss, 10-63. George Fox. Once, when I was a child, I stood in front of a towering elm, its leaves made golden by October. A blast of wind pummeled the highest branches and the falling leaves, drops of sunlight against the gray sky, surrounding me in a swirling kaleidoscope. In that moment, like this one, I understood that beauty has a mother and her name is decay. Keep bearin’ down on ‘em, ‘Cats! Defending champs Men’s Soccer have fallen squarely from last season’s heights, losing twice this weekend to UPS (1-3) and George Fox (1-2). Women’s Soccer outscored the Loggers (3-2), then fell to Fox (1-3). Volleyball narrowly defeated the Wildcats (3-2), then were swept for the second time this season by the Lutes. In the wide world of sport: Islam Makhachev knocked out Alexander Volkanovski by head kick to retain the UFC lightweight belt. Consider in the coming weeks: What have the rugby clubs been up to since we last checked in, and alternatively, have you ever visited central Salem’s rabbit world?

Skeet Starr Sports Editor Hello Bearcat Fan! There’s big news. It’s right below this section you’re reading now about the fact that there is big news. Let’s go to it! Triathlon took second at the DIII West National Qualifier to earn their spot at the upcoming Nationals in Tempe, AZ. It’s a milestone achievement for an organization founded only three years ago. Ella Isaacson (‘25), Veronica Castille (‘25) and Riga Grubis (‘27) took the highest placements for the ‘Cats. Men’s Soccer lost to Linfield for the first time since 2019 (3-4), likely dashing their hopes for a conference championship repeat. They went on to halt the Pioneer’s progress (4-0) as consolation. Women’s Soccer tied Linfield at twos, then had victory snatched from them by a well-placed L & C free kick (1-1). It was sweep or be swept for Volleyball as they were mopped by Whitworth (0-3), then dusted Whitman in identical fashion later in the week. They have the Wildcats at home on Friday. Football. 7-62. Pacific Lutheran. A blackened dawn has once again risen over Willamette football. Let us be reminded that blood makes the grass (or astroturf) grow, and to never waver in the face of our dreaded rivals in liberal artistry. Forward the light brigade! Forward Bearcats! Men’s Golf took second at the ITA Regional Invitational, then fifth at the NWC Fall Classic. Are the champions faltering, or will they come out swinging in the spring? Zoe Heino (‘26) and the Women’s Cross Country team took second among DIII schools at the George Oja Invitational, as well as sixth overall. Jay Chew (‘26) and the Men’s squad rolled into 13th. In the world of sport: The upcoming UFC pay-per-view fight card has been reshuffled to include a bout between Islam Makhachev and Alexander Volkanovski, as well as a match up between Kamaru Usman and Khamzat “The Wolf” Chimaev. What a twist! Consider in the coming weeks: What’s the deal with the pool?

Skeet Starr Sports Editor Hello Bearcat Fan! I want to say that at Saturday’s women’s soccer game, Blitz the Bearcat waltzed in all casual with their handler, then stood at the halfway line and occasionally swayed around and sort of moved their hands in a pseudo-waving gesture. Mostly though they just looked blankly at the game. Then after fifteen minutes they just peaced out. I don’t know. The whole thing seemed kinda off to me. Anyway, let’s go to the news! Volleyball picked up two more wins to bring their streak to three. They will take on George Fox at home on Saturday. Men’s Soccer couldn’t hold off the Whitworth counter attack on Saturday (2-3), but scraped out a tie against Whitman on Sunday (2-2). The men now sit at third in the conference, with a game in hand on second place Whitworth and first place Pacific Lutheran. Natalie Rodriguez de la Torre (‘27) opened up the scoring two days in a row for Women’s Soccer, but the squad couldn't hold the lead in either case, losing 1-2 to both Whits. Football. 14-70. Linfield. That’s all I can write through my tears. Jay Chew (‘26) and Zoe Heino (‘26) represented Bearcat Cross-Country again at the Charles Bowles Invitational meet. The ‘Cats men snagged 13th overall while the women took 15th. Neither Tennis team shocked the world at the ITA regional finals. In the wide world of sports: Portland’s beloved Damian Lillard has been traded to the Milwaukee Bucks. The Trailblazers will receive Jrue Holiday, Deandre Ayton and Toumani Camara. Speaking for all Oregonians, thank you, Dame! Consider in the coming weeks: What’s the most alive you have ever felt?

Campus Safety reports confirm that the Hallie Ford Museum of Art, which is located on Cottage Street, Campus Safety On Sept. 7, the Collegian reported that a student was assaulted by far-right demonstrators Due to the proximity of these latest rallies to the Willamette campus, Campus Safety officers heightened Campus Safety officers received multiple calls reporting a white truck parked near the State Street parking The vehicle then left without further incident, according to the report.

Ned Martin Contributing Writer While we were eating big and napping all day, our Bearcat athletes had victory on their minds. The swim team hosted Whitman on Friday and Saturday (18th & 19th) in Sparks Pool. Both basketball teams took road trips, sending the men to Southern California and the women to Idaho and Montana. On Friday Willamette Swim struggled to gain footing for both men's and women's competitions. Whitman’s men won 154-46 and women won 135-65. This win continues the Blues' dominance this season. Both Whitman teams won again on Saturday to improve to 4-0 going into the break. It was not a day without success for the Bearcats. In multiple short events, including butterfly, freestyle and backstroke, Willamette swimmers won races. Cole Linderberg dominated the 100-yard butterfly, finishing four seconds ahead of second place. Alayna Kisday and Tatum Good won their 100-yard races by around two seconds each. On Friday, Willamette Swim had a much better showing. The women won six events and finished second in 11 more. They only lost 126-105, a major improvement against Whitman’s unbeaten squad. Among the winners were Anna Hornbeck and Alayna Kidnsey. Each finished with two victories and a second-place result. Jordan Edner also added a win in the 1000-yard freestyle. The men’s events were highlighted by Cole Linderberg with a win in the 200 butterfly. He also notched a couple of silvers. Ben Nickell was the first to the wall in the 200 backstroke. After the pair of losses, the men fell to 1-3, and the women dropped to 0-4. In Southern California , Men’s Basketball played La Verne, Redlands and Whittier. The Bearcats opened the break with a hard-fought victory against La Verne, led by a career-high 24 points from sophomore Josiah Frank. Unfortunately, they struggled in the next two games and fell to both Redlands and Whittier. In Idaho and Montana, Women’s Basketball battled Montana State-Northern, Carrol (9th ranked NIAA), College of Idaho and Eastern Oregon. Their last two games were hosted in Caldwell by the College of Idaho. The women's team jumped out to win in their first game, beating Montana State-Northern 71-58. Carolyn Ho scored 23 points in the victory. In their bout with 9th-ranked Carrol, the Bearcats couldn’t get it going on the offensive end and lost 74-35. To end the break, they fell to the College of Idaho and Eastern Oregon in much closer affairs. All four teams will have until next weekend to get rest and prepare for the rest of the season. The basketball teams will play a double header Friday night in Salem. The swim teams will ship off to Newberg to compete in the Bruin invitational on Saturday.

Jett Star Sports Editor Men’s Soccer went to Chicago to compete in the NCAA tournament this weekend. They won the first round for the first time in the school’s history, beating University of Wisconsin Platteville 3-1. Goals came from Jett Starr, Drew Alexander, and Pierce Gallaway. On Sunday, the team lost to University of Chicago 4-1 to end their season. The Bearcats had more shots on goal than University of Chicago, beating them 6-5, which is some proof that the scoreline didn’t exactly represent the game. The lone goal came from Julian Rivas-Delgado, which was a nice consolation. The Bearcats ended their season with a record of 14-3-3 and a Northwest Conference Title. Football had a chance to get their first conference win since 2016 as both the Bearcats and University of Puget Sound entered their game on Saturday with no wins. Unfortunately, they fell 20-26. Camden Dirnberger scored two field goals, while Justin Genovia and Dominic Corado both scored touchdowns. Maybe next year they will find their win. Triathlon competed in the Women’s Collegiate Championship in Tempe, Arizona this weekend. Willamette took 8th place in the competition, with Ella Isaacson leading the team in 28th place and Aubrey Tuttle right behind her in 30th. Women’s Basketball beat Claremont Mudd Scripps 76-59 on Friday. Carolyn Ho got 15 points and Kaitlyn Imai got 17. The Bearcats kept that momentum rolling on Monday as they beat Warner Pacific 67-43. Sammi Riggs led the team with 14 points with Megan “the Meg Dawg” River right behind her with 11. This puts them at 2-0 on the season and my pick as the Bearcat team to watch through the winter. Men’s Basketball smacked Portland Bible College 85-41. Jonathan Watts and Jack Boydell combined for 30 points. Those two are putting together a string of impressive individual performances. Women’s Cross Country got 16th in the regional championship meet run this weekend. Zoe Heino led the team with a time of 23:25.20 in the 6-kilometer. That is so fast and so far to run! Men’s Cross Country got 19th in the regional championship meet. Will Hennum led the team with a time of 26:14.70 in the 8-kilometer. Again, so far to run and so fast.

Skeet Starr Sports Editor Art by Minna Zhou Hello Bearcat fan! What can be said about the Willamette 2022-23 sports calendar that hasn’t been said? Perhaps only that it is in fact an elaborate psy-op carried out by the Salem Police Department in tandem with the CIA, designed to increase the population’s tolerance for sightings of taxonomically ambiguous creatures (Blitz), in order to test the waters in preparation for a potential reduction in government funds for cryptid-human relations management. Other than that, the facts of this sporting year and our feelings about it might as well be etched on every desk, wall, and brick in the institution. Now, for one last time this school year, let’s go to the news! CONFERENCE CHAMPS, men’s golf, will keep swinging long after the final day of classes at the national D3 tournament in Nicholasville, Kentucky. Baseball got washed at Pacific (losing 1-18) but cleaned up nicely over the next two days against inferior Whitworth and Puget Sound sides. The Basecats will wrap the year up over a three game series against Occidental on the 6th. Track & field has several more potential tournaments over the month of May, but are mostly done for the year. At the OSU high performance meet several runners broke their personal records, and Zoe Heino (‘23) took 6th in the 5,000 meter run. Consider in the coming weeks: Do the aging summer leaves almost make you glad for the inevitability of decay? Don’t each in their own way remind us that impermanence is the truest liberator of our rutted minds? Good luck in your finals, Bearcats, and have a bearcatstic summer!